When You Can't

It's been really hard this week at training. For the first time, at a TRIgirls workout, I feel like I've been challenged with something I can't do.
For me this is a huge struggle because I feel like as a team leader I'm supposed to set an example. So, when Coach E. has us up out of our seats on the bike/trainer pedaling standing up for what I think are 30 second intervals, times 6-8 times and I'm done after 3 times, I'm faced with something new. Being in over my head.
I had a feeling I'd get here, just didn't think it would be only one month into the training. I know, I know, it takes practice and with practice I'll improve. I'm commited to that. But for the here and now, we have to deal with my feelings. ...Of trying, but not succeeding.

And for me, it is difficult to be told to do something....to want to do it...and have my body just say "No WAY!"
When it first happened on Saturday morning, I thought, "OK, body, you were having the worst migraine of your life about 12 hours ago...I'll let it slide....you're still dehydrated." But, it happened again on Monday, and I'm sure it will happen again tonight. I can do the speed intervals, 90 rpms, the 100 rpms, even getting up to 110 rpms. I can grind it out at level 8, level 9 and even level 10. But, ask me to stand in the saddle and I'm just not able to maintain that position for more than say 15 seconds. And not for more than a few times in a row. I know it has alot to do with the excess weight I carry. And getting to this point where I have to make some choices is something I've been expecting. Even anticipating. One of the reasons I signed up for Eagleman is because I knew I could never make it through the training without making a some changes for the better....dropping a few pounds...working out harder and longer....building inner strength.

Thanks to Mr. Preschool for setting things straight. He reminded me this morning over breakfast that my "performance" was not the reason I was chosen to be a TRIgirl team leader. (In fact, now that I think about it, it's sort of vain (not to mention absurd) to think that was the reason I was chosen). The reason I was chosen as a team leader was because of my personality, my leadership, my soul. And so for me, all it takes is remembering..... I was not chosen as a team leader because I perform well but because of how I perform when I am faced with adversity. Now, if I can just remember that tonight, when Coach E says, "OK, Up outta' your seats guys!"